Sunday, August 2, 2009

Life is Crazy

Somehow, this week was crazier than most. What's more, it wasn't crazy in a run-around-everywhere-and-accomlplish-nothing kind of way. Instead, it was a sit-at-the-computer-and-stare crazy.

I had time. I had bursts of energy. I woke up every morning knowing where the next scene should take my characters, but as soon as I poised my fingers above the keyboard, I hit a wall.

You know, when you're riding your bicycle happily and you hit a little something, a branch, or a pothole, or something, and your bike just stops but you keep going?

That's what my fingers were doing. Stopping. When my brain would catch up, it would shut down, and then trying to wake it up again... Have you tried that? Getting your inspiration back to speed when it's sulking?

What, what? I said I had a crazy week. No wonder I sound like I'm being split into several personalities all battling themselves. And the dominant whatever keeps sending itself into a panic at the thought of bringing up the manuscript on the screen.

I mean, usually I can go back and edit, backtrack, recap, find the spot that's giving me trouble and figure out what the problem really is. But how can you do that when part of yourself very conveniently shuttles the thought of editing away from your conscious impulses and softly redirects you into pointless Web surfing.

Well, it wasn't entirely pointless. It was pleasant and soothing, and I made contacts, and met a dragon... Of course, that's another story. But it wasn't productive. I need another 10,000 words, darn it! It's not like I have a magic wand and I could just transfer my idea straight onto paper!

No, I have to build it, and compose it. To do that, I have to picture it, and feel it...

Darn brain.

No, I don't have writer's block, because I know what I need to write, and where my story is going, and even how it's going to end. Come on! I even have an idea of a good final fight scene. Among other things...

What's left? I think I need to throw a temper tantrum. But how do you do that when you're grown up and the heat index is 100F?

You know it's bad when you're wishing for a good snowstorm.

6 comments:

Skhye said...

Hmmmmmm, what about those daily libations? I've forced myself to start writing and found it opens the flood gates... Then, there's chocolate. Hang in there! Are you certain you're not just stressed out?!!! What happened with the rental car/trip? Did it all work out? And there's always shopping...

SFWriterMasha said...

Stress? Check.
Daily libations? Healthy practice, check.
Chocolate? I know I had forgotten something...

Oh, and the rental car is returning Tuesday from Wisconsin. I expect a moderate upsurge in writing activity beginning Wednesday. If my personalities dis-fragment, that is. :D

Mary Ricksen said...

Sometimes your muse takes a break. She'll come back, I know out of experience. I thought mine had left town, she was just resting.
Don't force it, it won't sound right. Just be ready.

SFWriterMasha said...

Aha! Well, that might explain why I feel so sleepy! We're napping!

Skhye said...

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. I now see why you can't concentrate! ;) Yes, try chocolate.

SFWriterMasha said...

Someone bring me some dark chocolate! It's an emergency!